Obama says U.S. race relations have improved, but work to be done

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Barack Obama said in a commencement speech on Saturday that U.S. race relations have improved over the last three decades, but that significant work still needs to be done.

"I tell you this not to lull you into complacency, but to spur you into action because there's still so much work to do," Obama told about 2,300 Howard University graduates in Washington, acknowledging that racism and inequality still persist. "We cannot sleepwalk through life," he said.

The United States has faced a number of racial controversies in recent years, including the 2014 shooting of an unarmed black teenager by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri, that sparked sometimes violent protests.

The United States has a racial gap in economic opportunities, Obama said, noting that the overall U.S. employment rate is around 5 percent, but it is near 9 percent for African-Americans.

Obama, the son of a white mother and African father, told the graduates to embrace their racial identity.

"Be confident in your blackness," Obama said, adding "there is no one way to be black ... There's no straightjacket, there's no constraints, there's no litmus test for authenticity."

He added that "my election did not create a post-racial society," but was one example of how attitudes have changed.

Obama also urged the crowd not to try to prod colleges and universities into disinviting controversial speakers - something that has taken place regularly at campuses throughout the United States.

Howard University is one of about 100 historically black colleges and universities in the United States.

Obama argued that the United States and the world has progressed dramatically since 1983 when he graduated from college.

"America is by almost every measure better than it was" in 1983, Obama said, noting that U.S. poverty rate is down, the number of people with college degrees is up and the number of women in the workforce have risen.

Obama said today's college graduates are better positioned than any other to address the country's tough outstanding problems.

"You need a strategy," Obama said, adding passion and anger are not enough to effect political change and encouraging them to embrace compromise. "Not just hashtags but votes."

He noted the low voter turnout among young people in the 2014 congressional elections. He told the graduates they needed to vote "every time ... not just when you're inspired."

But Obama noted an area that has not improved in recent decades - the U.S. prison population - currently at 2.2 million, it is up more than fourfold from 500,000 in 1983.

African-American men are six times more likely than white men to be incarcerated, Obama said, and urged the graduates to lobby the U.S. Congress to pass a pending criminal justice reform measure.

Senator Charles Grassley, an Iowa Republican, praised Obama's remarks on Twitter, writing "even conservatives would applaud it."

News Source:Yahoo

Why Sadiq Khan's victory matters

Khan -- the Labour Party candidate who will succeed Boris Johnson as mayor -- faced a divisive campaign from his main opponent, Zac Goldsmith. The Conservative Party candidate's campaign suggested Khan was a dangerous radical, exploiting racial and cultural stereotypes about Muslims through a dog whistle campaign rooted in subtle racism. Indeed, Goldsmith'srecent op-ed in the popular Mail on Sunday newspaper attacking Khan was even, quite inexplicably, accompanied by an image of the 2005 London bombings.But it is telling that this campaign backfired. Why? Because it shows that the type of aggressive, populist campaign that has so far been successful for Donald Trump in the United States will not necessarily be a blueprint for success elsewhere. Although many on the right in Britain apparently believed that capitalizing on anti-Muslim sentiment is not just acceptable, but a sure ticket to victory, the strategy was found wanting. In short, there is a limit to the ability of bigotry to capture elections.

And it is not just Britain that has demonstrated that resorting to anti-Muslim language can backfire. Take the example of former Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Last year, he resorted to crude anti-Muslim language as he sought re-election. In contrast, Harper's opponent, Justin Trudeau, went out of his way to embrace Muslims (and other minorities). Harper didn't just lose -- he was trounced.

Why?

Many non-Muslim Canadians were repelled by seeing this faith-based bigotry in their secular politics. Just as importantly, the Muslim-bashing had another effect that Harper apparently did not seem to see coming -- it prompted Canadian Muslims to vote in record numbers. You can bet that these new voters will continue and extend their political involvement, meaning that in a well deserved bit of irony, Harper's Islamophobic campaign may have created a Canadian Muslim political consciousness where none existed before.

With this in mind, it is likely for good reason that in the United Kingdom, the Conservative group leader of the Greater London assembly, Andrew Boff, criticized Goldsmith's divisive campaign for damaging his party's relations with the Muslim community, something that could further hurt it down the road.

In fact, the same thing could happen in America. After all, not only is Donald Trump now a widely detested politician (polls suggest that more Americans disapprove of him than are worried about Muslims), but American Muslims are becoming more politically engaged. And although the American Muslim population is relatively small, it may hold the key to swing states like Virginia, Florida and Ohio.

Meanwhile, as Trump has chased Muslims away, Hillary Clinton and especially Bernie Sanders, her Democratic rival, have reached out. Sanders has struggled with attracting minority voters generally, but Muslim voters it seems have rewarded his attention, giving him an edge inMichigan and then Wisconsin. No matter which Democrat wins, the Democratic Party wins.

Republicans, by contrast, risk alienating almost every minority -- as well as female voters -- with a selection of Trump as their presidential nominee.

But that race will be decided in November. For now, it is worth remembering the powerful message that Sadiq Khan's London victory sends not just to anti-Muslim bigots, but also to Muslims themselves. Secular politics work: Faith-based prejudice might be real, but it is ultimately a losing proposition. And we can think of no better way to encourage and increase the embrace by British Muslims of their country and their democracy than this simple message: You will be judged by what you do, and not who you are.

The sad truth is that the very people who demand Muslims prove their fidelity to secular values have not yet themselves begun to implement these values themselves, and that includes those in the Republican Party trying to exploit tensions.

Despite Trump's success so far, we will have to wait until November to see how much success -- or damage -- his campaign has done to the Republican Party. But in the meantime, let's hope that Americans will deliver a similar message to the one Londoners just did -- that ultimately, bigotry will not succeed.

News Source:Yahoo

A psychology professor reviewed decades of research about having kids — and he came to a depressing conclusion about marriage

Lots of women look forward to motherhood – getting to know a tiny baby, raising a growing child, developing a relationship with a maturing son or daughter.

All over the world, people believe that parenting is the most rewarding part of life. And it’s good that so many mothers treasure that bond with their child, because the transition to parenthood causes profound changes in a woman’s marriage and her overall happiness… and not for the better.

Families usually welcome a baby to the mix with great expectations. But as a mother’s bond with a child grows, it’s likely that her other relationships are deteriorating. I surveyed decades of studies on the psychological effects of having a child to write my book “Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage,” and here’s what the research literature shows.

Nowhere to go but down?

When people marry, they’re usually in love and happy to be tying the knot. But after that, things tend to change. On average, couples' satisfaction with their marriage declines during the first years of marriage and, if the decline is particularly steep, divorce may follow. The course of true love runs downhill. And that’s before you factor in what happens when it’s time to start buying a carseat and diapers.

For around 30 years, researchers have studied how having children affects a marriage, and the results are conclusive: the relationship between spouses suffers once kids come along.

Comparing couples with and without children, researchers found that the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than for childless couples. In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship.

The irony is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines, the likelihood of themdivorcing also declines. So, having children may make you miserable, but you’ll be miserable together.

Worse still, this decrease in marital satisfaction likely leads to a change ingeneral happiness, because the biggest predictor of overall life satisfaction is one’s satisfaction with their spouse.

While the negative marital impact of becoming parents is familiar to fathers and mothers, it is especially insidious because so many young couples think that having children will bring them closer together or at least will not lead to marital distress.

Yet, this belief, that having children will improve one’s marriage, is a tenacious and persistent myth among those who are young and in love.

REUTERS/Jose Luis GonzalezUnfortunately, it's all downhill from here.

Lovers morph into parents

It seems obvious that adding a baby to a household is going to change its dynamics. And indeed, the arrival of children changes how couples interact. Parents often become more distant and businesslike with each other as they attend to the details of parenting. Mundane basics like keeping kids fed, bathed and clothed take energy, time and resolve. In the effort to keep the family running smoothly, parents discuss carpool pickups and grocery runs, instead of sharing the latest gossip or their thoughts on presidential elections. Questions about one’s day are replaced with questions about whether this diaper looks full.

These changes can be profound. Fundamental identities may shift – from wife to mother, or, at a more intimate level, from lovers to parents. Even in same-sex couples, the arrival of children predicts less relationship satisfaction and sex. Beyond sexual intimacy, new parents tend to stop saying and doing the little things that please their spouses. Flirty texts are replaced with messages that read like a grocery receipt.

With nearly half of all births being to unmarried couples, some parents may think they have gamed the system by skipping the wedding. Not so. The relationship burden of having children is present regardless of marital status, gender orientation or level of income. In addition, the adverse impact of becoming a parent is found in other countries, including those with greater rates of nonmarital parenting and more generous family policies.

Moms bear the brunt

Not surprisingly, it is mothers, not fathers, who bear the heaviest cost of becoming parents. Even when both parents work outside the home and even in marriages in which both spouses describe themselves as sharing the burden of household chores, most parents slide towardgender-stereotypical ways of parenting. Women are more likely to become the “on call” parent, the one who gets up in the night to bring a child a tissue or who’s called by the school nurse.

As part of this pattern, new mothers tend to cut their hours in outside work, which often leads fathers to feel more of the burden of financial responsibility. A common pattern emerges in which dads start spending more time and energy on outside work and moms start doing an increasing percentage of the childcare and housework. Cue the feelings of frustration, guilt and distress for both parents.

New mothers often talk about their social isolation, becoming disconnected from friends and colleagues and how their world feels like it’s shrinking. All of these changes lead to fundamental and long-lasting effects on new mothers' circle of support, including with their spouses.

The consequences of the relationship strain can be serious. Marital stress is associated with many serious physical health problems as well as symptoms of depression and other mental health problems. The link between psychological and marital problems is strong enough that researchers have found that couples therapy is one of the most effective ways of treating depression and some other mental illnesses.

Thomson ReutersSome relationships improve once the kids leave.

A light at the end of the tunnel?

If the arrival of children is hard on marriages, is the departure of children good for marriages? Some marriages do improve once the children leave the nest. In other cases, the successful launch of the children leads spouses to discover they have few shared interests and there’snothing keeping them together.

These downsides to having children may partly explain why more and more women in the United States and around the world are choosing not to procreate.

According to the U.S. Census, the percent of childless American women (ages 15-44) increased a staggering amount in just two generations: from 35 percent in 1976 to 47 percent in 2010.

Despite the dismal picture of motherhood painted by researchers like me (sorry Mom), most mothers (and fathers) rate parenting as their greatest joy. Much like childbirth, where nearly all mothers believe the pain and suffering was worth it, most mothers believe the rewards of watching their children grow up is worth the cost to their romantic relationships.

News Source:Yahoo

Here's Exactly How to Create Blake Lively's Beachy Waves (Hint: It's Crazy Easy)

The only thing more enviable than Blake Lively’s natural waves IRL is Blake Lively’s beachy, sun-washed waves when she plays a stranded surfer in her new film The Shallows, in theaters next month. After watching the new trailer half a dozen times in a row, I got the lowdown on how Rod Ortega, the lead hairstylist on set, created the actress’s carefree hair—no sand or surfboards required.

1. Each morning, Ortega filled half of a spray bottle with ocean water (if you're not by a beach, try a sea-salt spray, like Suave Sea Mineral Infusion) and the other half with L'Oréal Color Vibrancy Dual Protect Spray, which “shielded Blake’s color against the sun," says Ortega, "and kept her hair from feeling stiff and crunchy from the salt water” thanks to its silicone-based ingredients (note: Blake Lively is a L'Oréal brand ambassador, but I've used the product on my own curls, and it's amazing).

2. Each morning, Ortega doused Lively's damp hair with his concoction, focusing on the roots and tousling—not scrunching—her natural waves gently with his fingers before letting them air-dry. (Scrunching can “give off an ’80s vibe,” he says.)

3. If your hair can’t make a wave to save its life, “wrap random three-inch sections around a curling iron after it air-dries, then spray them again with the sea-salt mixture, and twirl the waves around your finger,” says Ortega. Or go the heatless route: after spraying your damp hair, divide it into four sections and twist each away from your face. Keep retwisting it as it dries for more-pronounced waves.

4. Ortega kept the bottle on hand for midday touch-ups, but for the most part, he left her hair alone. “Beachy waves are definitely best when they look lived in. The more you run around and get sweaty, the more relaxed and natural your hair will look,” he says. Dealing with a bit too much frizz? Smooth unruly sections without ruining the beachy “this ol’ thing?” look by rubbing a drop of styling cream, likeJohn Frieda Frizz Ease Secret Weapon Touch-Up Cream, between your fingers and twirling the hair back into a wave.

Boom. Now you're (basically) Blake Lively. Except hopefully without any shark attacks in your future.

News Source:Yahoo

Sonam and I are competitive not insecure: Jacqueline Fernandez

Se purrs. She preens. She stealthily walks around the white marbled floor, stretching lazily before snuggling back into sweet slumber. The light-eyed, feline beauty stares at me curiously, and then quickly turns away while batting her lovely lashes. She's a perfect diva, no less than her gorgeous owner Jacqueline Fernandez. Yes, I am talking about Mew Mew, Jackie's darlin' pet cat, who joins us for this interview (I heard she skipped her grooming session to be here). She sits pretty with us on the couch, eyes closed, but all ears. Jacqueline's life, on the other hand, is a far stretch from this. The actress is left with time only for catnaps in between her packed year ahead.
She says, "It's been such an amazing journey that I can't complain. In the beginning it was a struggle, I didn't know anyone in the industry and my first two films didn't do well. I wanted to pursue a career in acting but I didn't realise that Bollywood would be my calling. I came here and saw Katrina (Kaif), a foreigner who was doing so well, and she learnt Hindi, too. It was encouraging."
She says, "It's been such an amazing journey that I can't complain. In the beginning it was a struggle, I didn't know anyone in the industry and my first two films didn't do well. I wanted to pursue a career in acting but I didn't realise that Bollywood would be my calling. I came here and saw Katrina (Kaif), a foreigner who was doing so well, and she learnt Hindi, too. It was encouraging."


"This was a new world for me, but after Murder 2 there was no looking back. I have a lot to thank Mohit Suri and the Bhatts (Mahesh and Mukesh)," adds the actress.

There was no mentor to begin with and that in an industry that sets the cat amongst the pigeons. She quickly responds, "In my early days here everyone was a stranger to me, and there was no one to protect me or give any advice. It was difficult and there was a language barrier, too. I had decided that my last shot in Bollywood would be Murder 2, and if that didn't work I had planned to move on from India. Now, I love this film industry. I am so grateful to people like Salman Khan, Sonam, Sajid Nadiadwala and Sujoy Ghosh, who I know is always there for me. Well, it's the 'S' effect in my life, all of them have been instrumental in being where I am today." She adds that apart from being her support system, they are her toughest critics, too. Jacqueline says, "Salman is blatantly honest, so is Sajid. He will tell me, 'You look terrible, or this wasn't as good.' But they will also tell me how to better myself. Sonam calls a spade a spade, but she gives me compliments galore, too. We are each other's cheerleaders. I have faced criticism and been a part of movies that haven't done well. The ones who give up never see stardom, you've to hang in there. From one film a year in the past, I have four films releasing this year with some of the most amazing actors — Akshay Kumar in Housefull 3, Varun Dhawan and John Abhraham in Dishoom and Tiger Shroff in A Flying Jatt. It happened so fast that it's an unbelievable feeling."Talking about her BFF Sonam, they are in the same space. Competing for the same films, maybe? Do they keep her claws sharpened to stave off competition? Jackie answers straight up, "Sonam and I are competitive people, but we are not insecure." She pauses and adds, "Sonam is very confident of what she wants and what she is, which is what makes her so secure. She lives in her own space and in her own world, and I do the same. I am so focused on what I want that I don't focus on what other actresses are doing. Yes, we're chasing the same directors and the same movies, but at the same time you can't do every single movie that comes your way. I truly believe that you get what you deserve. I can show an interest in a certain role, but I would never hound anyone for a role. I would never want to be a part of a movie where I feel that someone was forced to take me."here were rumours about Sonam trying to play matchmaker between her cousin Arjun Kapoor and Jacqueline. Well, I am being the curious cat here, but I can't help ask. She breaks into a loud laugh, "Sonam never tried to set me up with Arjun, it was one of those lovely rumours. Sonam was one of the first people I met in the industry and from childhood she knows everyone here. So naturally, she introduced me to all of them. She has introduced me to Arjun and Varun, too. We are a group of friends now, and when these articles come out its really funny. We wonder which idiot opened his mouth, and did something silly or dumb. The good thing about having friends in the industry is that we also know what is going on in reality, so Arjun and I still joke about it. We say, 'Oh, we just heard we broke up!' Clarifying rumours with the person concerned is the most important thing, the rest don't count. Luckily, I have that equation with most of them to do that. Right now, the only love of my life is Mew Mew, and she's ignoring me."



By now, Mew Mew has crawled cosily into Jackie's lap. A few minutes later, with little bit of TLC, she's back to snooze. And we are back chatting. From an absolute stranger here to a Bollywood star. Has it hit her, yet? She's quick to say, "Not at all! At times I don't even realise it. In my interviews when I get asked about stardom, or when I see a fan gathering, is when I realise that something is different. Salman tells me, 'You've got to believe that you're a star and act like that.' But it's weird, for some reason I still feel like this Sri Lankan girl from Bahrain who's come here to work."

Pressures of stardom aren't easy and not everyone can handle it. Recently, the tragic case of the suicide of a TV actress (Pratuysha Banerjee) made headlines. It's disturbing, isn't it? "Yes, the pressure can be very detrimental. There is so much more to life than just being an actor. It's so sad when someone ends their life for it. It's so not worth it. I agree that it is an extremely tough job because the whole world expects something of you, and unfortunately, a lot of people don't realise what it is from the inside. Actors are human beings, too, and being an actor is a full-time job. It is about keeping a smile on your face even when you're at your saddest, otherwise you will be criticised and written about for it. So, please don't judge what's going on in the inside. Only our families, friends and people from our industry know," expresses the actress.
News Source:Yahoo